It started with rice. Egg fried rice. Chicken fried rice. Just fried rice with tamaind or lemon poweder and some peanuts. Next up was eggs – unintentional scrambled eggs that started as omelettes, intentional scrambled eggs with onions and mushrooms (sometimes spinach when I felt healthy). Then came dal and sambhar to go with rice as a tribute to my south Indian roots. Chicken curry was the obvious next step and was a pretty straightforward transition. The latest additions are pha and upma.
First attempt at upma
In the past 5 years, my cooking chronicles have been nothing to rave about. But I do intend my next 5 years of homecooking to provide an impressive tale.
My girlfriend’s mom who has been in LA for decades once joked on hearing the mention of rain – “that’s when water falls from the sky, right?”. It’s unbelievable how rain eludes this state of California. After witnessing monsoon for 4 months every year, it was surprising for me to see hardly any rain here in the last 2 years. Mercifully, this has changed in the last 3 days. It has been raining abundantly this week, leading to the reassuring sound of water hitting the roof accompanied by the heartwarming petrichor.
Cloudy cloudy skies
It’s interesting how the smell takes me back to childhood days when I used to take my shirt off and run into the little open space in my chawl to get soaked by the first pour of the season. This time I just stood in my balcony and let it hit my arm, as I gazed at the clouds and the trees outlining my building and sipped my coffee. Still pretty neat!
Smell, heat, stray dogs, and erratic traffic – these were the first few things that hit me within one hour of landing in Mumbai after living in the US for 3 years. You see, I grew up in Mumbai/ Navi Mumbai and had spent all my life in India till the age of 32. Then, in an attempt to do something new and run away from the nagging expectation of getting married, I traveled to the US to pursue higher studies in 2018. Four years later, thanks to loads of luck that put me in the right place at the right time with some wonderful people – I now have a Masters degree, a job in Los Angeles, and an apartment and life I have settled into. I obviously wanted to visit home every year but COVID and my visa status made it difficult for a while. Finally, I was able to visit in November 2022. On the 24-hour air journey (LA – Doha – Mumbai), I couldn’t help but wonder how different it would be for me visiting home after so long as I had never spent this much time away from India before. My 40-day stay at home in Navi Mumbai taught me a few things about myself and how the last few years have changed me.
For starters – I was finding it difficult to sync with the chaos around me. Crossing streets where rickshaws and scooters and trucks and cars and pedestrians weave into each other used to come to me as second nature. However, this time it took me a couple of days to find my rhythm while walking the streets. I was hesitating to cross and stopping sporadically like a rookie. This was a big revelation as I did not expect it would happen to me. Next was the heat, humidity and air quality. While I grew up in this Mumbai weather, the Southern California weather seemed to have coddled me in a way that I couldn’t imagine. I was feeling the humidity right from day 1 and it only got worse. To think it was like that in December made me wonder what would have happened had I visited in April or May!
Then, there was the whole ‘staying with family’ situation. In Navi Mumbai, 5 of us (granny, mom, dad, sister, me) lived in a small 1-bedroom flat before my sister got married and I left for the US. For the past couple of years, I had gotten used to living alone in a bigger space so it felt weird for the first couple of days living with 3 more people in the same room. When my sister visited for a couple of weeks, it was all 5 in the little space. My Dad graciously let me have the bedoom when I was working and at other times, it was somewhat nice to stay spend time my family members in the living room. Not for too long though! After every few minutes, I felt the urge to be by myself.
Thankfully, I was doing fine with the spicy food at home and at the restaurants I visited with my friends. I was happy to learn that my stomach hadn’t forgotten the embrace of spicy mutton curry or delicious dosas and chutneys.
Breakfast with my buddy at Arya Bhavan in Chembur
It was also interesting to observe my outlook towards money. An Uber ride from one end of the city (Mazgaon) to the other (Vashi) cost around $10 which is what I would pay in California just to travel a few miles. Also, you could hire a driver in Navi Mumbai for Rs 700 for 8 hours if you had your own car. The idea to get such a service for less than $10 was something I couldn’t wrap my head around.
Traffic enroute Alibaug
One of the more pleasant lessons was that I was able to catch up with old friends and continue from where we had left off years ago. For some reason, I thought this is easier said than done. Everybody moves on with their lives and their families and with every passing day, it becomes difficult to pick up the phone. So I ended up thinking that meeting old friends would be an awkward experience but I was delighted to learn that it was nothing of the sort. For example, my best friends from high school happened to be there around the same time and we were able to have a fun evening chatting and catching up like we used to all those years ago. Same happened with my college buddies and other friends from different phases of life.
Back to when we were 16 😊
The biggest and most heartbreaking development was that my mother was diagnosed with dementia in this duration that I was away. While she remembered me on my visit and was able to hold short conversations, I could clearly see that she wasn’t as active, talkative or expressive as she used to be. Naturally, a lot of time was spent with her and in discussions with my father and sister about her care.
Overall, it seemed to me that my brain had forgotten how active things are in India. There’s so much happening at any given moment. As many a writer had mentioned – it’s marvelous how it functions amidst so much chaos. Like you see on an average street – Everyone is constantly moving and yet hardly anyone is bumping into each other. In contrast, I feel like my life slows down when I’m in LA. I sleep, wake up, cook, eat, work, go out, occasionally party, spend time with my girlfriend, and indulge in some extracurriculars… that’s it. This list was always a lot longer when I was in India and it was also the case when I visited this time.
Posing in front of the Arabian Sea
Strangely, when I got back to LA this time, it felt like I came home. And the whole India trip felt like a visit to a foreign land. Another thing I couldn’t have imagined would happen so soon! And to me! I wonder if this feeling is temporary or here to stay.
Every morning, when the sun begins to shine brightly, he shows up at my balcony. He goofs around the parapet, wags his bushy tail in a sine-wave-like motion, and after what looks like a long contemplation, lands into the cactus planter. Then, he starts digging and pulls out a nut – I have no idea when he hid it there. He jumps back on to the parapet, and rapidly chews through the nut, constantly dropping the leftovers on the parapet. Who do you think is going to clean that up, you prick?!
After he is done eating, he decides he wants to fool around some more. So he jumps on to my hanging planter (home to a pothos) and starts digging through it. The planter starts swinging and I am worried it might fall of. But the little bugger knows what he is doing. After some exploration, he jumps off landing on the mat on the balcony floor. Here, he decides to sit for a few seconds and then take a massive piss. Argh! Finally, it’s time to move on but not before chilling on the parapet a little while more to scout which balcony to raid next.
The crime scene
Throughout all this, he periodically sees through the big glass door that I am standing right there, staring at him. And yet, unfazed by my presence, he treats my balcony as his personal dining room as well as toilet. The sheer audacity!
The reason for indulging in any kind of entertainment often seems to be – “Life is tough as it is, so this is just an outlet, a distraction, a guilty pleasure, an escape!”. Films and TV with their several forms of content are a distraction. Travel is a distraction. Sports is a distraction. Dating is a distraction. Strip joints and casinos and pubs and clubs are distractions. Motorcycles and cars and comics are distractions. Smoking is a distraction. Music? Shopping? Stand-up comedians? Social Media?
How much entertainment do we need? How many distractions do we need? When and how did we turn into a species that wants to escape more than be present? French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote – “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone”. It seems like with every passing day, this is becoming more and more accurate. Yes, it creates more opportunities for employment and occupation. But at what cost? I hope Mr. Jared Diamond finds the time to delve deep into this and write another gem. Let me think about this more as I brew a cup of coffee and tee up the latest episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
It’s all been a bit overwhelming. Yes, there is a global pandemic that has shaken things up for almost everybody on this planet. But that aside, the last few months have been an emotional roller coaster. I graduated with a Master’s degree in May, left behind some loved ones in Texas and moved to California in June, turned 35 (still can’t believe it!) in October… and throughout all this, kept looking for full time employment to land on my feet. So, you can imagine my thrill when I inform you that just as the year was nearing a disappointing end, I have joined Amgen in Thousand Oaks, California as a Clinical App & Analytical Services Manager.
I really can’t describe how I feel at this point. Relieved? Happy? Anxious? Motivated? While these words begin to describe my emotions, they don’t completely portray what’s going on. It’s been that kind of a year. What I do know is that I have been incredibly lucky throughout this journey. I am touched by the kind gestures of a number of people who have tried to help and support me. From the professors at my University to my friends and colleagues to strangers who admired my Resume song to a kind old friend who offered me a lifeboat in the form of a contract job to my cousin who suddenly reappeared in my life to play big brother – I have had so much love and warmth that my heart is full of gratitude. I also know that whatever is coming my way holds great value and can never be taken for granted.
I now move forward, with the entirety of my skills, dedication, and experience, to join Amgen’s mission to serve patients. As part of the R&D team, I’ll work for Global Development Operations and strive to provide meaningful analytical insights and business intellect using vital data. I am already moved by the warm welcome I have received at the firm, and am pumped to work with a brilliant global team. It’ll be amazing to employ my Python, Spotfire, data analytics, and business training and experience to help develop life-saving drugs. I am inspired by the incredible things Amgen has achieved over the years, and feel honored that I can be part of its upcoming feats.
On the personal front, I will soon be moving into a little apartment – my bachelor pad if you will – in Los Angeles! Once the virus is no longer a threat and it’s safe to step out again, I would love to explore the city of Hollywood. I’ve heard and read great things about southern California and can’t wait to check this part of the world out. Like anyone beginning life in a new city, I’m feeling the butterflies. Let’s see what 2021 has in store!
This will probably be my last post of the year. So, here’s wishing everyone reading this a merry Christmas and a marvelous new year! Happy Holidays!
What does it take to find “the one”? Gazing upon the picturesque view of sunshine hitting the peaks of stunning Simi Valley hillocks, we pondered on this age-old question. After the discussion, my friend suggested that I write down my take on the subject. So here I go!
My take, I should point out, is my humble opinion based on my own experiences and sensibilities. It works for ME. Anyone who knows me would tell you that I am certainly no expert in this particular subject 🙂 I have no intention of suggesting how one should approach this or any life matter. Like other articles in this category, this one too is a musing.
My theory is that the decision to choose a life partner finally boils down to this triangle of compatibility:
The Compatibility Triangle
The first one’s a no brainer, right? Love, in this context, encompasses all feelings of attraction – romance, sex, chemistry – you get the drift. Without this vertex, it wouldn’t be a life partner compatibility triangle but an “any relationship” line segment. When two people develop the same romantic feelings to a mutually acceptable degree, they are all set to try and explore the likelihood of a long term relationship (marriage, for example).
Then there’s respect! It’s possible to get attracted to someone, even love them with all their flaws when you spend some time with them. However, unless you respect the behavior, personality, actions, ethics of your partner, you are bound to run into problems sooner or later. Respect, like love, develops over time as you experience the actions and thoughts of your partner. It also employs your moral compass. While you may agree to disagree upon a few things, certain things may be non-negotiable for one or another. For example – punctuality, hygiene, humility are my non-negotiables. So on dating apps, when I see that a woman’s answer to the question “I’m known for..” is “being late”, it’s a dead end. Once two people accept organically that they both respect each other’s values and can live with the disagreements, this very vital criterion is met.
And then comes the most practical one of the three vertices – Goals. Two people may love and respect each other enough but they also need to be true to their own identities. Everyone has aspirations, goals, dreams for what they want to do with their limited years on this planet. To make a lifelong partnership work, two people would not only need to be cognizant and supportive of each other’s goals, but also align them in a way that they can build a fruitful life together. If one plans to live life as a teacher in the mountains of Nepal, and the other insists on being a developer in San Francisco, or if one wants to travel the world all year round while the other enjoys a grounded, indoors life in one town – it might be tough to find bliss.
While I do not want to do this all year round, at least twice a year won’t hurt!
Of course, people make sacrifices for their partners all the time. In all of these three vertices, one partner or another is probably going to make some compromises to keep the relationship stable. That’s commitment. The question is – how much is okay? Where’s the line? Think of it like a balance with one partner’s sacrifices on each side. If the scales tip too much in either direction, the equilibrium is lost. If one or both of the parties in the relationship are having to compromise too much on their feelings or values or goals, that’s a red flag.
Also, there is no particular order to these three vertices. One doesn’t necessarily come after the other. In several long-lasting arranged Indian marriages, feelings of love develop at a later stage (speaking of the ones where couples are actually happy, not the ones where there is just silent suffering for years to avoid societal backlash). Couples take a leap of faith based on familial approval of mutual respect and agreement of goals. This initial respect is often based on things like one’s financial stability, security, qualifications, qualities, culture, horoscopes, et all. Love may come later.
So, long story short – If I can build the compatibility triangle of mutual love, respect, and goals with someone, I’m not letting her go! Let’s see where this mantra lands me 😀
I take a lot of pride in the friends I choose. I have always striven to surround myself with exceptional people I can look up to, have meaningful conversations with, and count on for guidance. Most of these people, as one might expect, are writers and artists. On an emotional farewell evening full of scintillating conversations with some people I love, one of the many gifts I received was the courage to post this.
When I watched the video of George Floyd’s ruthless murder, I was shocked and terrified. I have immense respect for police officials. I come from Mumbai where the police, simply put, is extraordinary. Mumbai is considered to be one of the safest cities in India, all thanks to the Mumbai Police. All my life, I have known cops to be exceptional, hard-working individuals who put country and duty ahead of race, religion, or even self and family. Add to it their uncanny sense of humour (just follow the Mumbai Police Twitter account) and what you have is an adorable force that always has your back. So, when I saw that a police officer could do something so horrifying, it was heartbreaking. However, what was worse and made me feel like a petty human being was the immediate next thought – “What do I care? It’s not my place to say anything. I don’t have any role to play in this Black vs White fight. Here I am trying to find a job in this foreign country where I do not belong. Let me just shut up and not post anything that might bother someone.”
I also believed that social media was an ineffective medium for any real change. In my opinion, it appeals to your short attention span (growing shorter by the day) and gives you the illusion of having played your part by simply posting a picture or a comment from the comfort of your home. You are followed by people who mostly think the same as you do, and already have the same beliefs as yours. So, there isn’t much opportunity to change minds of people who think differently. Your drive is limited by the satisfaction you get when someone validates your post. What I was missing, and what my friends rightly pointed out to me yesterday, was that it creates a ripple. It informs you, and gets you started, and what you do after that is up to you. And this was true in my own case. I have been reading posts by people I respect and therefore, follow. Just in the last two weeks, I have read more about racism than I have in my entire life.
Once I read a few articles, I started introspecting my own behaviour and prejudices. I come from a country of fairness creams. Women are expected to be “fair” to find a good boyfriend or husband. While most of the strong women I know in Mumbai are brilliantly destroying this stereotype, I am not so sure about the whole country – especially the men. Some metropolitan men may speak out against skin-color bias but I am not certain that they have rejected it organically. Look at Bollywood and you’ll see that the lead actors (male and female) are expected to be fair-skinned, if you want the movie to be a countrywide commercial success. The description for uptown men and women when you get casting requirements is often – tall, “fair”, well-groomed. I, a dark-skinned man, have had my own share of failed attempts to try various creams and diets to lighten the color of my skin. When I appeared in the movie ‘2 states’, one of the comments I got on my Twitter account was – “But you are very dark.”
In the non-Bollywood world, we Indians have our own lingo of offensive words to describe people based on their skin color – we refer to white people as “firangi” or “goras”, black people as “kallus”, Chinese people as “chinkis”. And it is not just a way of speaking. These words come with their own respective perceptions. I do not know where this bias comes from (perhaps the British rule – need to read more about this) but it’s clearly, undeniably there. Hand to God, in one of my conversations about racism with a friend a few years ago, he casually (in his honest opinion) expressed that “white is just the better looking skin color”. Even amongst close friends, it is quite common to make fun of dark-skinned boys and girls, men and women by calling them “black” or “andhera” (darkness) or “dambar” (black tar). The fact that it is meant to be funny or offensive, or the recipient takes offense when someone says this is part of the problem.
This bias, then translates to our behaviour with people in the United States. We have always been fascinated with the west. We ape almost everything the west does. So, if the west is racist, we inadvertently end up fueling our already existing biases. We mask it well, of course. We are well-behaved and nice to everyone but that’s not because we are not racists. It’s because we don’t want to bother anyone and mind our own business. In inner circles, we still ignorantly refer to black people as “kallus” and the Chinese as “chinkis”. So what role do I, an Indian student in the United States, play in this fight against racism? It’s the same as the role white people play. I am integrated in this society that needs change. Like everyone else, I need to be educated, informed, transformed. And if everything else I have mentioned above is not a good enough reason, here’s one –
Ask me today, in 2020, to imagine my dream woman and probably the first attribute that’ll come to my mind is that she is “fair-skinned”. May be in the past my ancestors were victims of racism but as of today, I have become a perpetrator.
I have been maintaining a countdown to graduation on a white board in my room. I started 616 days ago. This board has witnessed my journey more closely than anyone or anything else. It has seen the hundreds of activities I planned. It knows the ones that I checked off with a sense of pride and accomplishment. It has also seen the ones I erased after getting disheartened by unsuccessful attempts. It has observed the extent of my dreams and laughed at the ridiculousness of some of them. Sometimes, it has even served as a canvas for the artistic endeavors of my creative friends. But more than anything, it has been my companion that has kept me grounded and aligned. In many ways, this board is the Wilson to my Chuck Noland. This is what the board reads today.
What an incredible two years, these have been! There is no way I can find the words to describe exactly how I feel. So many new experiences, so many new friends, so many memories worth cherishing! I have tried to blog about it in bits and pieces but there’s so much more to these two years than what I have penned down. I desperately wanted to become a student again after almost 10 years in the work force. And my life at UTD turned out to be everything I had expected and more! It’s going to be difficult to say goodbye.
I completed my engineering in 2008. The world got hit by a recession. I am completing my Master’s degree in 2020. We are in the midst of a pandemic. Looks like I pick the worst years to graduate. My flatmate jokes that next time I plan to study again, I should inform him in advance so that he can be prepared! But may be there is a lesson here. Everything that happened since 2008 got me where I am today. And you know what? I did alright. I am still here – studying, working, enjoying myself, making new friends, looking forward to the next chapter. This tells me that despite everything that’s been happening, I will be okay. And so will each one of you!
The first picture I took of UTD – August 2018
That brings me to the man who reinstated my faith in myself and the process. Dr. Ganesh Janakiraman is a man of few words. It’s a shame that I met him so late in my Master’s journey. His Operations Management class is one of the most engaging, exciting, and productive classes I have taken not just at UTD, but in my life. But that’s not the only reason I am grateful to this brilliant professor. It’s because of his kindness as a human being. I met him outside of class for the first time in his office to discuss the results of a test. Ever since the day we had that chat, Dr. Janakiraman has been an encouraging voice and a driving force. In the past few months, when times have become tough and it’s so easy for me to doubt myself and get boggled by the uncertainty of what the future holds, his words have inspired me to stay strong. Every time I have a conversation (mostly email) with Dr. Janakiraman, there’s this voice inside me that goes – YOU GOT THIS. Like he says – “The process might be slow but that only means we go ahead with more energy.”
Dear Dr. Janakiraman, if you’re reading this – Your kind and genuine efforts to help me out during this phase have moved me. All your teachings and advice will stay with me forever, and play a big role in whatever becomes of me.
And on that note, it’s time to bring this 10-article series to a close with a quote by another profound man. The great Indian actor Irrfan Khan left us a few days ago. Before he did, he left this pearl of wisdom for his son and I think it applies to each one of us, especially now more than ever –
“Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe.”
This is the tenth and final article of my #10DaysToGraduate series where I share 10 key lessons from my Master’s degree in the form of a countdown to May 8 (today), my graduation date. Time to start over.
As I am all set to enter the final semester of my Masters degree, I am feeling extremely anxious. While most people are concerned about finding a full-time job in a state or company of their preference, for me that thought is still miles away. My immediate concern is how much I know as a data engineer/analyst. 18 months ago, I made the switch from product manager/actor/writer to Business Analytics student. The goal was to become proficient in the concepts of data mining and analysis, since it was a promising sector and the whole world seemed to be moving in a direction where every industry heavily relies on data science. Now, as I get closer to my graduation date, I keep questioning the extent of my knowledge. And to my disappointment, I keep coming across questions I do not know the answer to.
I need to fix this situation and quickly. I have 117 days to go until my graduation date (May 8, 2020). So, I am taking a start from scratch approach for now. The idea is to revise everything I have learnt at UTD as part of my course, followed by a couple of online courses and certifications. This includes the basics of statistics (p-value, hypothesis testing), database foundations, SQL, NoSQL, mining concepts like principal component analysis, regression techniques, clustering, time series, big data – Hadoop, Spark, Hive, language basics in Python and R, and data visualization techniques.
To devise a plan for this, I am contacting some students I look up to and asking for their advise on the best approach to ensure maximum retention. I am also hoping to audit some classes this final semester. I have just one class left to fulfill my graduation requirements but there is so much more I wish to learn. Natural Language Processing, Applied Machine Learning and Business Data Warehousing are my top picks. I have written to the professors asking for their permission to let me sit in on their lectures.
Finally, this will also be my last semester as the president of Travelytics – a club I conceived and founded with the help of some of my friends. After one final project presentation (Computer Vision with Python, OpenCV and Raspberry Pi), it will be time to hand over the reins of this organization to the next batch of students.
