Category: Musings

I was in office when I got a message from Dad. It said – Call me as soon as possible. This was weird because it was the first time I got such a message from him. I called him immediately to find out that he has been hospitalized for high fever and weakness. When I heard his shaky, shivery voice, I was already nervous. I had never heard him talk like that before. I left office in about an hour and got to the hospital. When I saw him on the hospital bed, he looked not too bad but sick and in need of medical attention.

Tricky situation this – fathers being hospitalized. It gives you a chill down your spine! They bring you up, they teach you all that you know, they protect you from any and every threat that nature might have in store for you! You can’t imagine how much they sacrifice just to make sure that you have all that you need, to make sure that you don’t feel too bad when you look at what your richer friends possess. My father did all of this for me and much much more. When I saw him on that hospital bed, I was sad but for some strange reason, I always knew he would be fine soon.  That’s because I have always believed that my Dad is a fighter.

I would like to tell you all a bit about my father. He is an extra-ordinary man who was brought up in a small chawl in Sion in the most unimaginable conditions. He grew up in an environment where he could easily have become a drunkard, a vagabond, or anything but what he is today. But he decided to do otherwise. He studied hard, completed his graduation in commerce and made sure that he earned enough to support his family. He saved up just so that his children can live in a better place and have a better future as compared to his. It’s not that we are rich now, but my sister and me have led a far better life compared to my Dad and his parents. We didn’t have to walk miles to get water for our house, we didn’t have to start working at the age of 15 to support our family. My dad went through all this and more. Imagine the burden of supporting a family consisting of a mother, father, younger brother and 2 sisters! The pressure faced by the eldest son in a poor but conservative South Indian family to marry off his two sisters! And then, the difficult task of educating 2 children in the most expensive times! Also, the family drama with a son who is an Engineering graduate but wants to become an actor!! 😛 If a man can get through all that, I was sure he could easily get through this illness. And that’s what happened… All reports normal. Discharged in 3 days! 🙂

My father is in every way responsible for all the good things about me and whatever I become in the future would be all thanks to him. I can write about him for pages and pages and would still not be able to express how fantastic he is, or how grateful I am to him or how much I love him! I wish him good health, peace of mind and more strength to deal with other surprises that his children might throw at him in the future! 😀

And to all you guys reading – Although this is a very personal matter, the reason I decided to write about this incident is that I wanted to remind everyone how close we are to our respective fathers and how much they have done for us. Without them, life would be nothing! In fact – without them, there would have been no life! So try and be good to them, try and be the son or the daughter that they have wanted you to be! These days, there is a lot of talk about children wanting to follow their dreams, choosing the life partner of their choice, blah blah blah.. I am all for these things! I believe that we have every right to lead an independent life, take our own decisions, be what we want to be. However, I would like to point out that we need to keep a check on how far we are going and how much it is affecting our dear ones. I think it is not right to just run away from basic responsibilities in the aid of chasing our dreams. Fathers are not villains as one may derive from the movies made these days (Taare Zameen Par, Udaan, etc.) They are good people who care for us. Don’t ever forget –  it is our real life, on-planet GOD that we are dealing with here! (Can’t think of any example for atheists!)

Love

I was stepping out of my flat to hit the gym today when I saw Koffee with Karan showing on television. I have never been a fan of the show but it always excited me to see how the guests on the show spoke, behaved, joked, and above all – how they fared in the rapid fire! I was always impressed by how comfortable and camera-friendly these stars were and I used to use their style and presentation to measure where I stand in my “star quotient”. Of course, every time I did measure, I found myself to have NO star quotient at all!

So, this time, it was Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan! I saw their rapid fire round and left for the gym. On my way to the gym, I thought that it’s not that these guys crack the best jokes or something! I have been more spontaneous and cracked much better jokes!! However, where these guys score is that they are so comfortable with the other stars (who are often a topic of discussion on the show) and so comfortable with this Karan guy that they actually end up putting a good show and walking away as stars who rule the world! It’s all about confidence – something that all these stars have, something that the others lack, something that I for sure lack!! It has been an area of development for me and I am constantly trying to work on it. There are several times when I walk in for an audition and feel intimidated by the other guys standing there. Why wouldn’t I? These are all tall, fair, good-looking guys who are also good performers! It gives me the jitters and often makes me ask myself – Do I even stand a chance? What was I thinking when I decided that I want to be an actor?? However, I fight this thought and somehow get on with it! And that’s pretty much the story of my life right now..I am fighting my insecurities, trying to gain confidence, and hoping that a day will come when I will get past all these stud boys and grab my dream role!

When I saw Abhishek on TV, I thought – I am 25 years old and I am miles and miles away from where Abhishek has reached today. Alright, he is a Bachchan but I can’t afford to take that as an excuse! There is still so much to do!! I am yet to get my first break! As of now, I am just facing a lot of “not fit”s in most of the auditions I am making it to! Becoming a popular film actor is right at the horizon which as of now looks really blurred! 🙁 I need to be a better actor, a better personality, a better something that I am still not aware of! But you know what?!? I am not going to give up! I will fight!! I read somewhere – A river cuts through rocks not because of its strength but because of its persistence!

I want to be that river!! And I will be for sure!! I will learn all the rules of this industry and then devise a way to break through them! Yes, I am unconventional and that is going to be my strength!! I don’t know what I am going to do and how…when I figure out, I’ll let you guys know!! But I will do something!!

Anyways, I just wanted to share some of my insecurities with you guys. There are many many more which every aspiring actor has to go through. However, all of it is worth the effort and it is this struggle that makes life worth living! I often think how boring my life would have been without this dream. Well, let’s leave that for another post!! 😀

For now, I am strong and steady to face the world again tomorrow! I will go to bed with the hope that I will look better, feel more confident, and find my star quotient in the days to come! And then, I am going to kick some serious ass!! 😀

Good night people. Love you all!