I have learnt…

I am beginning to think that what has happened to me in the last few years is what happens to every aspiring actor. He starts on a low note from scratch, then thinks he is at the peak of his struggle, begins to get a few leads.. and then due to some crappy reasons hits a low again!! I have been dealing with this low for quite some time now..and while it had almost put an halt to my struggle, it has taught me a lot about people, about situations, and about myself!!

I have learnt never ever to trust anybody more than myself. I have learnt never to run after things or people who do not value me as much as I value them.. because by doing so I am only creating problems and awkwardness for both them as well as myself. I am just being a prick! I have learnt that no matter what people might say to me on my face, they are going to be truly loyal to ones they have chosen to be close to.. and I am not necessarily going to be one of them!! I have learnt that honesty no longer holds the same value that it used to when we were kids studying in school and were being taught that we should always speak the truth. Even the nicest people I know have lied their asses off without even a hint of shame for having done so!! I have learnt how I’ve become this person who can very easily be taken for granted..not because the world is mean..not because people want to take advantage of me.. but because I am always willing to give people the advantage!! I have learnt that I use too many exclamation marks in my posts!! 😛 But above all – I have learnt never to lose focus from my career due to the so called “personal” problems! It is just an excuse really – an excuse that several aspiring actors claim to have ruined their careers.. The reason many talented actors shy away from a path that would have otherwise led them to great destinations. I do not want to repeat their mistake!

I must learn to let go of things that are not working in my favour because may be that’s how things are destined to be. There is no point cribbing about how the world has become.. or how I have become. People around me are never the problem.. they all do what is important and feels right to them.  We all live lives of our choice and there is no point expecting others to behave the way we hope they should. The world will continue to be how it is.. and there is no shock or surprise in that. The question is whether I want to continue to be the way I am.. or am I so fed up of things that I change myself to become like the rest of the world?!?

And the reason I am posting all this here is.. I feel everything that I have learnt in this while has added on to my experiences in life.. experiences that are extremely important for an actor to go through.  I used to  think that I have done nothing constructive since The Dirty Picture.. but actually.. I realize I have. Because I HAVE LEARNT! 🙂

So I am back now.. again! This time I am not going to give a damn about the world…  or expect anything from anybody. Of course, it goes without saying that my family (especially my Dad!!) and my true “friends” will always be around in whatever capacity they can. But what’s going to matter is what I am going to do for myself from here on. I am off once again.. to get out of my shitty low… aiming towards a high… because I have realized that the only thing that is truly mine.. that is with me all the time through all ups and downs, highs and lows.. that loves me as much and as dearly as I love it.. is my dream!!